It has been a quiet weekend. It was the 4th of July, and normally there is food and some form of a get together, this year was more of a "don't feel like that." I spent the weekend outside, as that is the best place to think in a productive way. Being outside keeps me from crying, as my heart has been deeply hurt for too long. I couldn't help to think about a year ago, how so much changes in one year.
One thing that my life taught me is to live for the day I am in, not for tomorrow. Although goals and dreams are good to have, I tend to plan too much and far too far away from now.
I drove to the park with my dog for a very long walk to get away and sort out my confusing thoughts. This park is part for the Cleveland Metroparks, nearly in my backyard. While walking a white butterfly was flying near me, as if it was guiding me on my walk. I have been seeing butterflies consistently for the past 3 weeks. What is the spiritual meaning behind that for me? Change of some sort?
Since the weather was beautiful many people took the opportunity to visit as well. I wasn't alone, but yet here I was alone taking in the beautiful landscape.
Are you wondering what I thought about? I was thinking about love. How it must feel to be in love and the other person sharing that same feeling with you. Does it really exist? As I looked around and watched families and couples enjoying a picnic, I sat wondering if that will ever happen for me. If I could go back a year ago, I would say love does exist for me, but now?? Not sure where he is and unclear about why it ended. If I could have a wish upon a star to talk to him again, to understand, to reconnect...if only a wish would be granted. Told you I have been confused.
Then minutes later, I was thinking about painting here at the park one day, like the Monet's and Cezanne's of the art world.
And the next day, after I relaxed and decided to not do anything for the day, I decided to go to my studio. I have a painting that has been untouched since winter.
My cat joined me.
Of course this one had to watch over my paints.
Below are close ups of the painting.
before I began painting.
Mid-way of painting today
What I ended with, since I was loosing light.
So that was my weekend, tomorrow back to work.
Star light, Star bright, Wish upon a star tonight...